Terminator Genisys

Dr. Who is Skynet!  It all makes sense now.

When I first saw the previews for Terminator Genisys, I didn’t know what to think.  Another fucking Hollywood remake of a classic favourite because they’re out of ideas, great.  And Arnold will be in it despite being a thousand years old now, great, that will make sense.  And Emilia Clarke is going to try to step into Linda Hamilton’s shoes.  And it’s named Genisys what the fuck.  It’s not happening guys, what the hell are you thinking.

Then we watched it.  You know what?  It was really good.  A few minutes into it my husband said “Isn’t this just the first movie??” and I said “Yes, it’s a remake” and he said “That’s stupid.”  Then I said “It’s a remake, but since there’s time travel the first movie still happened and now they’re going back in time and it’s happening again after the first one happened.  See???” and he said “Oh.  Okay that’s not nearly as bad.”

The explanation for Arnold being old was kind of silly, but it made enough sense to swallow, and the CGI to make him appear different ages was really good I thought.  And Emilia Clarke totally sold herself as Sarah Connor.  And things exploded and there was the same brutal “This heavy metal thing is smacking into that heavy metal thing” feel through all the fight scenes.  It was just all around really good and I enjoyed it.

I can’t be bothered to go get a picture so just imagine there is a picture of Arnold giving a thumbs-up here.


I feel a little guilty writing this “review” since I slept through about half of it (that is not a comment on the movie, I was just really tired).  During the time I was awake I did notice a few things I was going to comment on though.

First:  This movie would be a lot shorter if it ran at normal speed.
There is a drug called “Slow mo” that makes you feel like time is moving at 1% of it’s proper speed, so every time someone takes a hit, the movie slows down and does a bunch of artistic shit to illustrate.  And it goes on and on and onnnn and oooonnnnn.  It was a nice effect, but seriously.  We get it.

Second: I was pretty impressed with the actress who played “Ma”.  Then it turned out to be Lena Headey!  I was somewhat unimpressed with her in the earlier episodes of Game of Thrones, but she’s been kicking it up a notch in the more recent ones, so watching her kick ass here bodes well.  I officially apologize for making fun of her apparent inability to have more than one facial expression in GoT.  Although to be fair, I did miss probably most of her major scenes, so maybe she sucked in those.

Third: Somehow I recognized Karl Urban while only being able to see about 1/7th of his face, even though I couldn’t actually remember his name until the credits.  I’m not sure he had a chance to do much “acting” in this movie though.  Dredd says everything in a hoarse monotone (“I am Batman”) and with the helmet and armor on it could have been a stunt man for 99% of the movie for all we know.

Fourth: The plot is kind of dumb.  I mean, we’re not expecting high storytelling here… bullets fly, shit explodes, and everyone is happy.  But the whole “these guys are dealing drugs and we will do everything in our power to stop them!” spiel feels really shallow nowadays.  Maybe that’s the point – the world went to complete shit but the cops are too busy hunting down junkies to do anything useful – but it just didn’t click for me.  Meh.

If you’re looking for action and gunfights though, shit certainly does explode, and the marriage to super slow camera effects means you get to watch bullets rip through cheeks at about one frame every 20 minutes, so you won’t miss a thing.

I will also add my husband really seemed to enjoy it, so it’s too bad I couldn’t stay awake!