How Not to Include Controller Support

Note:  The following events took place under the influence of beer, which may somewhat explain the difficulties I had, but in no way excuses them.

We started playing a diablo-like last night (which is kind of ironic given how much Diablo we’ve been playing, but it’s about to drop another big patch that will re-consume our lives so we decided to take a break until that happens).  I was mystified by the non-responsive splash screen until I saw the little “Press A to continue” at the bottom.  Ahhh it wants me to use the controller I have plugged in, that’s why my mouse is not responding!  … weird, for a diablo-like, but okay.

I carry on my merry way squinting at button prompts because none of them seem very intuitive and it’s pretty annoying.  A to attack, ok that makes sense.  Trigger buttons to move left and right in menus?!?  Wait which button is this new special attack I just picked up?  Oops shit just used my potions.  Well, I’ll get the hang of this eventually.

Then we finally get somewhere in the story and an item drops!  I… don’t know how to pick it up.  So I ask.

“uh, just click on it?”

“Oh.  I thought I had to use the controller!”

“I’m using the mouse… it’s literally exactly the same as Diablo.”

TO THE OPTIONS SCREEN.  Aha here it is under controls.  “Disable controller”

“The game must be restarted for this to take effect”

Mother.  Fucker.  Fuck it I’ll just figure out this controller.

We level up!  Time to spend a skill point!  Press this button to spend skill point, press that button to unspend skill point (it’s located above the other button, so it’s not intuitive in an “increment one” sort of way…) .  The skills are laid out in this annoying grid that didn’t make any logical sense… some of the skills are dependent on having points in other skills but the layout is just all over the place so I have to move through each box to make it pop up and tell me what it needs.  I end up accidentally spending points in the wrong skills trying to look at them to see what I need, but fortunately I can unspend.

Oh shit the companion levelled up too how do I get there?  Uhhhhh oh it looks like I can trigger-button my way through a couple different menus here.  Oh there are perks to buy?  And reputation points??  Where are those?!?  Damn there’s a lot of shit to spend, I didn’t see any of this before so I have a few points racked up.

A bit later I’m STILL doing fucking like, 1-3 damage despite levelling a bunch, and finally a new weapon drops for me!  Thank god, this was getting embarassing.  Okay pick up the weapon with trigger button, and now… hmm how do I make sure this is equipped?

“How do I get to the inventory?”

“Well… for me I press “I”… so, I dunno how the controller does it…”

fuck.  Scroll through the screens again.  Oh this looks kind of like an inventory?  Maybe?  I’m looking at only one item… is there a way to select a different item type?  Jesus what the hell who designed this shit.  Oh I have to use THIS control stick to select a different item type, kind of like a flyout wheel, except it has no cursor so it just selects whichever one is in the direction you press and you can’t just like scroll around the wheel, so it’s not intuitive or anything.  No, I don’t want that one, the one next to it.  No, not that one either.  God dammit select this one, it’s on a diagonal and I’m fucking pushing diagonal you fuck.

“Seriously I can’t figure out how to equip these guns.  Maybe I should just reboot the stupid game and get the mouse and keyboard back.”

“You’re kind of having a lot of trouble with it, so, yeah.”

*close game*

FUCK I forgot to go back into options and turn off the controller, which means it will default to controller again, which means I have to start the game, go into options, turn it off, turn off the game… fuck it I’ll just unplug the controller instead.

*unplug controller.  Start game.*

Well.  Now it is apparent why you need to restart the game to use the mouse.  The UI is ENTIRELY different (and exactly like Diablo…).  Oh look, when I press “I” it goes straight to the inventory screen, displays ALL of my items at once, and makes it intuitive which ones I am actually wearing.  Not to mention how much space I have left.  Oh look!  I can click directly on the skill type I want to spend points in!  OH LOOK, THE SKILLS SCREEN IS LAID OUT IN A WAY THAT MAKES FUCKING SENSE, NOW.

My god.

Having a controller option is reallyreally good, because choice is good.  But this.  Do. Not. Do. This.  Any of it.

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