Assassin’s Creed Black Flag (First Impressions)

This is kind of cheating since I haven’t really played much of it yet, just the prologue stuff, but I already have some things to say so why not.  I was looking forward to this title because I’ve spent way too much time playing the the AssCreed games.  I played the first one and enjoyed it, until I got to the ending and said “What the fuck” and immediately filed it under a Steam category titled “The Ending Sucks”. It was sorta-kinda redeemed when I played AssCreed 2, aided significantly by the fact that AssCreed 2 was an amazing fucking game.  I put so many hours into it.  And then I immediately went from that into Brotherhood which was similarly amazing because it was the exact same game except polished up to be even better.  By the time I was done Brotherhood, Revelations had come out… but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t play more AssCreed yet.  Plus, none of the new mechanics in Revelations really appealed to me.  The tower defense stuff was kind of dumb (I don’t like tower defense in the first place…) and it annoyed me that bomb making took a centre stage spotlight because it meant finding chests was no longer exciting, because all of them held bomb parts now.  Plus Ezio, while still badass, was really old and his facial animations seemed kind of weird to me and enh I dunno it just didn’t appeal to me in the same way.  I figured I would play it one day if only to wrap up the Ezio story, but I never really got around to it.  AssCreed 3 came out and I had no desire whatsoever to play it.  I’ve never been interested in history, and I’m not American, so running around in a forest during the American revolution was wholly uninteresting to me.  Then the reviews came out and they did not inspire me to change my mind.  I didn’t even try a demo of it…

And now I can be a mother fucking pirate oh my god yes.  Whoever is picking the settings for these games, feel free to stand up from your desk right now and announce “Nailed it!” to the office.  I’m saying this without actually having played much of the game, mind you, but I am trusting that it continues to be as awesome as it seems so far.

It also looks amazingly shiny on my computer.  So pretty.  The water makes me want to go swimming.

Quick warning: I rant in this next section.  It is a rant that will probably seem very familiar, and yet no less irrationally angry or profanity laden.  Proceed at your own risk.

My next comment is for the guys in charge of the camera.  You.  Yes you.  You added camera bobbing to Assassin’s Creed and did not add a way to disable it.  You fucking assholes I fucking hate you.  I hope you get fucking fired and never work in this industry again.  Jesus christ it makes me so fucking angry oh my fucking god why.  There was no fucking bobbing in all of the previous games.  I merrily ran around and climbed shit and assassinated people without bobbing for many hundreds of hours and had no headaches or nausea.  It is a THIRD PERSON CAMERA.  IT DOESN’T NEED TO FUCKING BOB.  I HATE YOU ALL.  Is it supposed to enhance immersion by making me go “wow these ships are so real that I actually feel kind of sea sick!” because that’s a STUPID FUCKING THING TO ADD TO YOUR GAME.  I don’t even care if you want to add camera bobbing but let me fucking turn it off.   WHY IS THAT SO FUCKING HARD TO FIGURE OUT.  WHY CAN’T ANYONE IN THIS STUPID GOD DAMN INDUSTRY FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT.  FUCK YOU.  There, I feel better now.

After all that profanity, I will add that the bob isn’t too bad.  It’s enough to give me a headache and probably make me limit my play sessions (which sucks in a game I will probably want to spend 200 hours in, if it’s like the previous ones…) but it’s significantly less worse than Tomb Raider was and I might be able to adjust to it.  I object to that fact that I need to adjust to it at all when it’s completely fucking unnecessary, though.  Fortunately it’s only at its worst when you’re sprinting and jumping, and since this is an Assassin’s Creed game, you don’t do a lot of…….. oh.

Moving on… there are a couple other comments I wanted to make too.

As I said, I skipped 3, so the intro to 4 is my first real experience with “Forest Parkour”.  It gets a resounding *shrug* from me – it’s certainly not as exciting as climbing on historical monuments, but I also don’t hate it as much as a lot of the internet seemed to for 3.  Maybe it’s improved since then.  What did annoy me, though, was looking at a cliff covered in lovely climbable looking ivy and branches and launching Edward at it, only to have him scrabble at it like a cat that just tried to leap up a slanted window.  There were very few walls that you could not make an attempt at climbing in the cities, and when you weren’t going to be able to make it it was pretty obvious due to the lack of features on said wall, so you’d circle around and look for a window or board that looked grabbable.  I found it really hard to determine which cliff walls were climbable or not (any rock climber could climb this shit, come on man) and spent a lot of time experimentally hurling myself into them until I finally just gave up and started looking for obvious paths.  It felt a lot more restrictive than I am used to in AssCreed.  Also Edward was unable to climb up an absolutely perfectly square three-walled “chimney” that any idiot (presuming said idiot was a remarkably in-shape assassin) could have climbed up using mario-style wall jumping or just shimmying.  Even Sam Fisher can do this shit!  Maybe I can buy that as an upgrade later or something but it was VERY disappointing.  Shame on you Edward.  You pussy.

Camera headaches aside, I am very excited to sail around finding treasure maps.  I’m liking the characters so far (they have plenty of time to piss me off though) and I’m looking forward to obsessively collecting shit again.  Unless there are feathers.  Fuck those feathers.

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About tagracat
I am not a professional, I don't get paid to review shit, I am just opinionated and I seem to have some sort of disorder that results in spewing my opinions onto the internet. I enjoy writing long-winded posts about things and sometimes I like to pretend people want to read them, so a blog seemed an appropriate place to stuff it. But mostly I just like writing about things.

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