Dungeon Village

Dungeon Village is an android game by “Kairosoft” that I avoided for the longest time because it costs about 5 bucks.  “Five bucks for a PHONE GAME???  Fuck no”, I said.  Then one day I got bored and downloaded the “lite” version, and gameplay ended like maybe 20 minutes later, and I bought it immediately.  It has been stealing my soul ever since.  *shake fist*

You place buildings, then increase the quality and appeal of those buildings, which attracts people to your town.  Those people then buy stuff from your stores and go out and beat the shit out of cute little blob style monsters, then come back and buy more stuff from your stores, and then you upgrade the stores and give them gifts so they can beat the shit out of stronger cute little monsters, and occasionally you pay them money to go into a scary dungeon and bring back fancy things to sell in your stores (right back to them…).  The more they visit your stores the more your stores level up, and the people themselves level up, and there’s even a jobs system.  Later you start mixing ingredients into a cauldron in order to create new items.

It’s such a simple god damn formula.  Envision all of those things as a progress bar.  There are lots of little progress bars to watch, and it’s fucking awesome.  Why aren’t more of you creating progress-bar-watching games for me, dammit >:(.  I played it for my entire lunch break yesterday and my phone limped home with about 14% battery life left (oops…).  I’m currently at a point where I need more income, so I just spend all of my money on building enhancing items every cycle, and one day I will be raking in the dough, man.  Apparently the most efficient way of making high income is to delete all your buildings and then place certain ones in places where the dudes have to step on them and therefore spend money, but fuck that, I have lots of little shops and they will be the best fucking shops ever.

Also the heroes have pre-set awesome* names like “Lance Alot” and “Seffy Roth”
(* only awesome for about 20 seconds)

There are a few flaws, of course… like how your adventurers don’t really buy equipment upgrades at your shops, buy they do re-buy what they already have.  So the best strategy is to give them gifts of super expensive equipment, and then they’ll go buy it over and over again.  … yeah, I don’t know either.  At its heart it’s pretty shallow too.  It didn’t take me very long to get to four stars, and the only reason I’m not 5 stars right now is because I refuse to cheat at raising my income.  But I also peeked at a wiki and there are a fuckton of jobs and things to unlock, which apparently carry over into new towns you make once you’ve unlocked them once, so it’s not like it doesn’t have any content for 5 bucks.

I would write more but “Gilly Gamesh” just maxed out his Archer class and I need to pick a new job for him to work on.  This game is good at wasting your life.  You should probably check it out.

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About tagracat
I am not a professional, I don't get paid to review shit, I am just opinionated and I seem to have some sort of disorder that results in spewing my opinions onto the internet. I enjoy writing long-winded posts about things and sometimes I like to pretend people want to read them, so a blog seemed an appropriate place to stuff it. But mostly I just like writing about things.

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